It’s a New Year again and the obvious thing for me to write about is resolutions, goals and planning the year ahead however these topics are just not pressing my buttons so instead what I would like to explore is something I became accurately aware of over the Christmas break and that is the lost art of effective listening. You know the old adage, God gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason, he intended us to listen twice as much as we speak.

What specifically do I mean by the art of listening?  

Day to day listening involves listening to the words only  - what is said (not what is meant), we look for a compatible story, we get caught up in our own feelings, we take things personally, we listen at a superficial level as we evaluate and judge what we’re listening to, we try to solve the speakers “problems”, we offer advise and in general listening is a passive hearing.

According to Whitworth, Kimsey-House & Sandahl in their book Co-active Coaching, there are 3 Levels of listening:  

Level 1 – Internal listening – Day to day listening - What does this mean to me?

At Level 1 our attention is on ourselves. We listen to the words of the other person but the focus is on what it means to us. An example of level 1 listening is when choosing from a menu in a restaurant, what are the specials, will I have a starter, is the fish good here etc. The purpose of the information gathering at level 1 is to meet your own needs.

At level II the focus is entirely on the other person – the words, their expression, their emotion, what they say, how they say it, what they don’t say. You listen for what they value, you listen for their vision and what makes them energetic.

If your attention is on trying to figure out what to say next – that should be a clue that you are listening at level 1. In the restaurant scenario above, a couple on a date that are madly in love will automatically be at level II listening. At work, when a team members leaves a meeting feeling their contribution was genuinely valued, that would indicate that level II listening was being applied.

This includes everything you can observe with your senses; what you see, hear, smell and feel – the tactile sensations as well as the emotional sensations. Level III includes the action and the inaction and the interaction.

It takes a lot of practise to engage in level III listening, and quiet often it is not either necessary or appropriate in a regular work context. Counsellors and Coaches will try and engage in global listening with their clients.

Here are some guidelines for level II and level III listening.

Look interested and alert, minimise distractions, be patient and do not interrupt, keep up with the speaker’s flow of ideas, provide clear feedback to show you are listening, identify the central issue, avoid labelling, judgement or evaluation until you have heard the whole story, take notes in such a way as not to be intrusive or distracting, analyse and reflect back what you have heard, always summarise the key points at the end and check that this summary is accurate.

If you would like to find you more about effective listening, please drop me an email and I would be happy to provide you with some additional reference material.