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Getting perspective on stress. Feb 2007 |
It is a lot harder to feel stressed when you are feeling in control. We get stressed when we start to feel things getting out of control. Here is a strategy I use myself to get some perspective on stressful situations in my life and I hope you find it of benefit. I do not claim that what I am outlining here will be sufficient to deal with seriously high levels of stress and I would advise you seek professional help if your stress levels are very high.
When confronted with a stressful situation we tend to see it as one big monster and we can quickly get disillusioned and further stressed. One of the keys to dealing with a stressful situation is to identify what percentage of the problem can you (a) control (b) have some influence over and (c) do nothing about. For example I gave a presentation recently and wanted to try out a new presenting technique. I got quiet stressed over what people might think until I decided to analyse the situation using (a), (b) and (c) above. I discovered that I could control how much I rehearsed and prepared, I could influence the situation in my favour by doing a dry run in front of supportive family members and there was really nothing I could do about how my final audience might perceive my new technique. I reckoned I could control 50% of the situation, influence 35% and had no control over the final 15%. When I looked at it like this, I realised that I was focusing all my energy on what I could not control or influence – the audience’s reaction. This was causing me a lot of stress and was totally unproductive because it drew my time and energy away from the things I could control.
I therefore changed my approach. I identified some goals to help me stay focused on rehearsing and preparing well and doing a dry run before hand.
The last 15% was still annoying me though, that bit of the situation I could not control so I decided that if I could not change the situation, I could at least change the way I felt about it in such a way as to support not discourage me.
To help me do this I applied what appears to be a short and simple mathematical looking equation, which I was introduced to last year. E + R = O.
This formula is the cornerstone for personal responsibility and therefore for living a fulfilled and productive life.
E stands for the event. This can be anything that happens during the course of your life. In my example above it is using a new presenting technique. R stands for your response to the event and O stands for the Outcome. So my response to any event in my life will result in an outcome. If I change my response, I will get a different outcome. If I keep responding in the same way to an event, I will get the same outcome.
When it came to my example above, I was focusing and stressing over what people might think. There was a little voice in my head telling me, I was going to be useless, the new technique would not work, I was not creative enough to pull it off. This response was proving very destructive and not at all helpful. I knew that if I held onto these thoughts I would most definitely give a poor presentation so I decided to change my response (R). I started to replace all these negative thoughts with reassurance from myself that supported me such as; believing that if I prepare and rehearse, it will go well and reminding myself that I have given these types of presentations many times before and they are always warmly received.
Instead of feeling like a victim, I figured out the portion of the situation causing me stress that I could control myself or get help with. I then put some clear measurable goals in place to address these challenges. For the portion I could not control, I simply choose a better response to it using E+R=O so that I would become empowered not de-motivated.
As humans, we can choose how we feel. No one can make us feel sad or happy, excited or stressed. It is not life itself that determines how happy or stressed we are, it is how we respond to life’s events that separates the successful and happy from the discontent.
I hope this article was of interest to you. If you would like to share your thoughts on it or any other article I have written please feel free to drop me an email.
Fergal O’Connor is a Business and Personal Life Coach working in partnership with his Business and Private clients providing a supportive, confidential, challenging and non-judgemental environment to make their ambitions and dreams a reality. Fergal also facilitates a range of Coaching and Management training programs, Team facilitation workshops and is available for public speaking engagements. Fergal can be contacted at Synergy Coaching Services, Tel: (061) 467287, email
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web: www.synergycoachingservices.net
Copyright © Synergy Coaching Services 2007.
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