When do you ever take the time to stop, listen to and become more aware of the language that you use? If you are like most of us, chances are, not very often. I am raising this question now following on from a conversation I had with my 3-year-old daughter over the weekend. She is at an incredible growth stage of her life both physically and emotionally where her brain is like a sponge taking in vast amounts of learning and knowledge. I was bringing her to bed on Saturday night with my arms full with 3 teddy bears, a pair of slippers and a dressing gown and next thing she turns to me and asks to be carried upstairs. With my hands full, my immediate response was - I can’t, to which she replied – Daddy, can’t is not a nice word. So it got me thinking how right she was. The truth of the matter was that I could have carried her upstairs but to do this would have required a bit of thinking and effort on my behalf and possibly a bit of co-operation from my daughter. In the end, we left the dressing gown, slippers and 1 teddy bear down stairs which freed my arms up to carry her upstairs with the 2 remaining teddy bears.

How many times have you used the phrase “I can’t” at work? Ever find yourself saying “we can’t change the way we do that” or “ I can’t get to complete the important things I need to get done” or “ I can’t make the meeting” etc, etc...... If you are totally honest with yourself, can you genuinely say that these statements are correct or are you in fact saying “This is not a priority for me and / or I do not want to change, I want to keep things the way they are”. As I tell my daughters, there is very little in this life that we cannot do. You may need some help, you may need to get more informed or some specific training but at the end of the day, anything is possible with the right amounts of determination, focus, hard work and commitment. There are numerous examples of this throughout history from Christopher Columbus to Henry Ford to the Wright brothers.

The other word I would challenge you to be conscious of overusing is the word “why”. In many professions such as coaching and counselling the use of this word is discouraged simply because quiet often it is used to make judgement calls on other people. Why questions also lead people to talk about their past or present reasoning around an event or situation as opposed to focusing on the future and possible solutions. Allow me to explain by way of example. A manager asks his employee – “why was that vital shipment late? To which the employee replies with a drawn out litany of reasons, excuses and justifications. The net result of this exchange is 2 frustrated individuals who are no closer to identifying and addressing the specific issues that have resulted in the order being late in the first place and more importantly have not addressed how the issue can be prevented in the future. The employee is on the defensive and the Manager is none the wiser as to what needs to be done to improve the situation. Now consider the same scenario where the Manager tackles the issue differently without using the word “Why”. The Manager approaches the employee with the key objective to learn from this experience and to make the necessary changes to ensure it does not happen again. In a calm voice he says “That vital shipment was late yesterday, what were the reasons for the delay and what can we learn from this situation to make sure shipments get out on time in future? In this way there are 2 individuals focusing on solutions rather than problems, in a more constructive and positive atmosphere where change and improvement is being promoted.

Become more aware of your language. Remember, awareness brings choice and choice brings results.

GOOD LUCK!

Fergal O’Connor is a Business and Personal Life Coach working in partnership with his Business and Private clients providing a supportive, confidential, challenging and non-judgemental environment to make their ambitions and dreams a reality. Fergal also facilitates a range of Management training programs and is available for public speaking engagements. Fergal can be contacted at Synergy Coaching Services, Tel: (061) 467287, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it